Hello! My name is Debbie Downer.

I haven't posted in quite some time. In all honesty, I've been feeling rather sorry for myself. It's a little pathetic to admit it, but I'm just going to let it all hang out on here. My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years. Of those years we've been trying to conceive for 6.Very early on in our efforts we learned that I have Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). Besides giving me horribly irregular, painful periods as well as other very unpleasant symptoms it makes for a difficult time of getting pregnant.

I went through the regular course of tests and one round of Clomid therapy to stimulate ovulation only to have our hopes shattered month after month when Auntie Flo came to visit. A year or so into the process my doctor had the bright idea that my husband should be tested as well. Go figure - he has some issues too. We were doubly tragic and broke, because our insurance doesn't cover fertility testing or treatment. We decided to take a break from the madness to repay our debt and regain our sanity.

Here we set a few years later - debt and lives in check. We have reached the age where all of our friends, family, and co-workers are paired off and expecting children. In the last 2 weeks, 3 ladies near and dear to me have announced they are expecting. I feel like a tool, because I'm heartbroken it's not me. Yes, I'm incredibly thrilled for them, but I can't control the sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach. Then, I get even more disgusted at feeling that way. It really is a viscous cycle.

I'm not here to mope. I just needed to vent. Very few people in our lives outside of the immediate family know of our struggles. My blog is a safe place for me to put it all out into the universe without having to "say" it. It's time for us to make some big decisions as to how much time, effort, and money we want to invest in either becoming pregnant or adopting. Send some good vibes our way as we plot our course.