Anxiety Sucks

I have always been a mildly manic person. I tend to get really excited about things that make me happy or really caught up in things that make me anxious. I noticed it affecting me more after my husband survived a fire at our house that destroyed our second floor. I got really clingy with him. He was at home sleeping with our 2 dogs and 2 cats when the fire started in the bedroom. It was only by the Grace of God that he made it out unharmed. Unfortunately, one of our cats, Goomba, didn't make it out of the house.

Afterwards I started getting panic attacks. I didn't know that's what they were at first. I would be talking to the hubby on the phone, and when he hung up I felt physically different. I would immediately start thinking about where he was at and what he was doing. And then move straight towards the worst case scenario version of events in my head. These thoughts would cause my heart to beat really fast, palms to sweat, breath would come short and shallow. I thought I was suffocating. I would start to feel tingling all over and get  really cold. Lastly, comes the tunnel vision. That's when it gets really scary.

I went to the doctor with these symptoms. She told me that my anxiety keeps me on my toes- somehow gives me an advantage. I've yet to see it like that. But her suggestion to me was to give up caffeine. So that's what I did - cold turkey. No coffee, no tea, no soda, no chocolate. I didn't sleep any better, and the overwhelming feeling that I was going to die or lose my husband was actually getting more severe. After 6 months doing it her way with no results I went back to her determined for her to listen to me. She agreed to put me on something that would slow down my heart rate which was the symptom I was having the most trouble with.

I've been doing better with the panic attacks, but the anxiety and the worst case scenario scenes still play round and round in my head. I've been tip-toeing into the world of meditation for relaxation and stress release. I've attended a very basic ContEd class through the school of metaphysics to help with the fundamentals. So far the thing that helps the best is a free app I've put on my smart phone. Now I think it boils down to how long I can stick with it so that is becomes a habit. I would love to conquer this mental weakness.